End of Semester: Minor Victories!

Finals start today. And I’m feeling, well, pretty good. Usually this time of year, I’m out of sorts. And that’s putting it mildly. It’s the season of recriminations and regrets: “I didn’t finish everything I had planned! Students won’t be ready for their next English class. How did I fall so far behind? Someone’s gonna figure out I’m a fake.” The chorus in my head should be working overtime. 

But it’s not. I’m almost feeling . . . optimistic, uncharacteristically calm.  Is this denial? Have I drunk so much coffee and eaten so much junk food (stress eater!) that I’ve numbed myself out so completely, immunized against my inner critic? 

For certain, there are kernels of truth in my Greek chorus’ remorseful refrain. I could have more effectively prepared student. I could have used my time more wisely. And I’m definitely a master of “acting as if.” But for some reason, my self-recriminations aren’t piercing my so deeply.